teddy bears

they sit there together, but so alone they are. cold and forgotten, like many others before them. the child who once cherished them, has no time for him or her. they know her dreams, they know her wishes. they've even watched her do the dishes. but she cares not for them, nor dreams or wishes. but still she knows when she needs them most, they'll always be there. friends for now, friends forever. teddy bears will forget her never.

what lies ahead?

i'm almost to the gates now. what is this place i see? i try to cry out for help, but nothing comes out of me. someone, oh someone, won't you hear my cries? the gates have opened, i see this with my own eyes. dead bodies all around, will this be my destiny? i look around at all the horrified faces, they're all just like me, cramed in small spaces.

disillusioned

i'm so afraid to leave you. i'm so afraid to stay. the future is a shadow locked in an antique box. that past is the key to unlock the secrets. tears are falling as the isolation builds. angry at you for saying what i dare not to. rows of corn shroud my disillusioned ideas. confusion sets in. heart sets fire until i'm consumed in smoke and ask. you reach for water. want to put me out. but you're too late. i'm gone. are you still here? cause you're all that i've got.

i'm sorry

i saw her face. i saw the tears. i knew you were gone. after suffering for two years. i wish i could let ou know, you changed my life like no one ever could. bet you always knew we'd turn out pretty good. i have your picture in my room. it's a constant reminder that someone once cared. i'm sorry i broke my promise. i wanna take back the past. i could do it over again. maybe i wouldn't regret what i felt. i wish i could let you know, you changed my life like no one ever could. bet you always knew we'd turn out pretty good.

settle down

i settled for you because i couldn't have him. how stupid was i? look at what a fool i've been. i gave you the shot that i never had. to be with the one that's out of your league. don't fall for me, cause i'll never love you. your just my distraction to get him out of view. now, you've done it, you fell for me. i broke your heart. how tragic love can be. i made you cry. you pushed me down. i hate your guts. how does that sound? and you think it's fun to piss me off. and bully me around. but you still want to know why we didn't last? you bored me to death. the words, "pansy ass moma's boy" come to mind. and you think you've changed. that you're hard core. but i see through that. you're still the same wimpering baby. that's right, cry to your mommy. cause i don't need your shit. couldn't deal with it when i was with you. won't put up with it now. you think you're so great. you re-awakened your religion. well guess what? you did nothing for me. i knew myself. and you got mad, cause i knew you too.

mean cycle

he thinks he's so cool. got a comeback for everything. lookin' good in his baggy blue jeans. but he's just a jerk. he uses you. take a breath. it's hard to release. look into his eyes. did they swallow you too? you think you need him. i thought that too. don't fool yourself. it's not you he wants. just like you, he wants the one he'll never have. it's almost funny. the way we are. one guy wants you. he'll never get you. you want his best friend. that'll never happen. he's got his sights on the pretty girl who doesn't know he exhists. and it's a mean cycle. they call it love. you win some. you lose most. but hey, that's life. now he's listening to this. he wonders if i'm talking about him. guess what, i am. because even though i hate him, he was my past. and the funny thing is, i hate him because he never loved me back. but how many guys are saying the same thing about me? why does love suck? we can't find no one to love. or maybe we can. but they're not the one we want. and they will chase us until they realize we'll never be more than friends. and just like i hate him, they'll hate me. because i was the best they never had.

summer's with you

you climbed in my trunk after we went fountain hopping. i stole a sign. and put it in your yard. we played spoons. and ate ice cream. after i got home i talked to you on aim about all the stuff we did. and all the things we didn't get to. i'll look back and smile when i think about summer's with you. i died your hair pink. you made me an egg sandwhich. we pulled a double feature. and then sang spice girls songs all the way home. strip club barbie, need i say more? crazy lady's house. screaming game scares old people. let's go to target. tarot readings and porn star shoes. i'll never forget why "i hate fucking sleepovers!" fountain tag and imaginary tennis. there's pictures to prove it. ouija boards and line tag. followed by your sarcasm, or was it mine? we ate chipotle and made harry potter pornos. we didn't get to the ultimate slip'n slide but, hey, there's always next summer.

kid

don't have a job. you're so immature. watch cartoons all day. saturday morning's the best. no responsibility. you're going through a phase. tonka trucks and barbie dolls. future's so far away. you're just a kid. he-man's on your underwear. don't wanna take a nap. can't find your juicebox anywhere. wearing mom's high heels. kool-aid mustache on your face. found a dollar in the couch. spend it on a lego set. melted crayons in the vents of mom's new min-van. cause your just a kid. he-man's on your underwear. don't wanna take a nap. can't find your juicebox anywhere.

could've done better.

you saunter up to me. and i die. i loved you so much. i would've done anything for you. but now you're back. and i don't need you. you were bad for me. you hurt me too much. i could've done better. but you engulfed me. and killed me. i was suffocating for you. all for you. but you never cared. slowly, i died. and you left me there. i hated you so much. love don't conquer all. you made me feel worthless. like a sheet of notebook paper. worthless. i took my last breath. as i went under. where were you? but now i think back on the good times we had. i needed to love you. and now i need to let you go. so leave my mind. and exit my heart. i see you've moved on. to a new innocent soul. i saw you flirt. did you chase her too? she'll go with you. into the fiery pits of hell and back. and there she'll die. you'll leave her on the cold, rigid ground. and you'll slink away. like the coward you are. and she'll forget you. just like i did. forgotten. because you were bad for me. you hurt me too much. i could've done better. but you engulfed me and killed me.

constant stream of thought...

i need to know i'm not alone. i need to know that someone still cares. nothings how it was supposed to be. not how i planned. i wish i didn't feel so bad. i don't know why i do. why i can't ever be happy. i just need to know i'm not alone. the tears come. i can't make them stop. it's a release i need. but what caused it? why can't i be happy? someone once cared. but now she's gone. am i alone? please say i'm not. tell me it'll be okay. the pain will end. i always wish for happiness. yet it never stays long. please tell me i'm destined for something greater than this. i'm alone and no one can help me. i'm a wreck and no one cares. you'll never know how much i love you. how much i miss you. i just need you here. take my hand and hold me tight. never let me go. let's fly away to never never land. we'll never grow up. we'll never remember the pain. i'll always love you. you haunt my steps. i'll never be rid of you. and i don't mind. you were the best i never had. it's sacred. i hate you more than you'll never know. you're irresponsible and inconsiterate. you won't let me hate you. you won't let me love you. i'm losing my mind. who's here to let me know it'll be ok? they hate me for the one thing that could make it alright. i'm a person too. i can't do it on my own. i am losing control. i never knew it could be like this. never knew i'd be so unhappy. i lost sight of myself. lost sight of my dreams. you'll never except me. i'll never measure up. i need to freak out. do something stupid. i can't breathe. i need to know i'm not alone.

i'm just gonna post a bunch of random things i've written...

"it's alright"
i'm so young
i feel so old
i miss your eyes
out in this cold
it's alright
nothing's wrong
can't be alright
to hurt so long
i'll love you on
until the night
when i find you there
trapped in her sights
i'll hate you now
i'll burn you down
it's alright
nothings wrong
can't feel alright
it hurts me wrong
nothing's right
i see all wrong
i'll catch my breath
at the first light of dawn
i'm locked up tight
uptight in this box
my body's empty
i killed you too
and if they ask
i'll tell them this
it's alright
nothing's wrong
can't be alright
i hurt too long
you hurt so long
the hurt all along
it's alright
to hurt this long
it's alright
it's alright
it's alright
it's alright now.