Thursday, January 29, 2009
Pray. Pray that God will send someone to love you. Pray that God will help you get hired. Pray that it will all be okay. Fuck it! God's not listening. Maybe God doesn't exhist. If I want something, I'll have it. On my own. I don't need to bend and scrape and wish and dream and hope. I have the ability to make it happen without anyone else's help. I am not weak. I have weaknesses, yes. But I am not weak. And I will not change who I am to fit into some mold that everyone else has laid out for me. If you don't like me, I don't care. I am what I am. Take a minute to get to know me. I love music that makes me feel something. I can totally block out the world if a good song comes on. I love to knit. I hate to knit. I laugh. A lot. I hate driving. I love books. I have considered, on more than one occasion, how exciting the Zombie Apacolypse will actually be. Sometimes, I argue just to argue. I wish I had a bigger bootie. I have a scar on my arm from accidentally running into a metal gate at work. The first time I ever fell in love was when I was 16. It didn't happen again until I was 23. Both guys broke my heart by leaving. I have a friend in Iraq. I'm scared for her everyday. During the winter, I become a total hermit. I won't leave the house for days if I don't have to. I love the book A Picture of Dorian Gray because "He looked on evil simply as a mode through which he could realise his conception of the beautiful." I believe that love is the most excruciating emotion a person can feel. That's why it's so amazing. I know that someday, I will walk out that door. And I won't come back. It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution.