the road's gonna end on me...

getting up just after i've gone to sleep. my eyes won't open. i can't keep doing this. holding back tears as i try to swallow pills. i'm bleeding and it won't stop. and all i want to do is get in the car, and drive. pull out of the driveway and never look back. drive two hundred miles in any direction before i stop for gas. i want to leave it all behind. the depression hits in the morning and i can't make it stop. and it makes me happy to feel so bad. the darkness takes hold once more. and i'll let it. there's no good with out bad. you think you're good. maybe a little bad. you're nothing. i look through you. i smile to your face as i shove you under a train. i'll stab you in the back, turn you around and slit your throat. feel my eyes scorch your skin as you take your last breath. i'll give you the luxury of seeing my face as you die. of knowing that i destroyed you. it's time to end this. you are not a worthy opponent. i'll cover you in dirt and spit on your grave. you reach up through the ground as i turn to leave. i feel the breeze of your hands reaching for me. but you'll never catch me again. you're wasting my time. time won't stop for me. i'm running to catch up. always just out of reach. i want to stay up and watch the sunrise. i want to sleep for a hundred years. wake up to a new era. wake up when my life has started. i'm ready for it to end before it's even begun. but i've got too much to do. buddha's waiting. so is monica. it's time to rise up from the ashes. the phoenix is reborn. the phoenix will wake from the slumber of ashes and spread her fiery wings. twice i've burned my life's work. once to start a new life. and once just to start a fire. burn down this life and rebuild from the ashes. i'll let the white hot flames consume me. breathe them in until the world makes sense again. i'd rather burn out than fade away. watch me burn.