Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Stay 18 forever...So we can stay like this forever...

Held myself together. Stuck it out. Felt my body collapsing into itself. It was all Jack's Mannequin and bleeding heartbreak. Goodbye and good day. He's been gone for so long and I know I'll be fine. Just fine. I don't think I'll ever see him again. That should hurt more than it does. Maybe I never saw him to begin with. Never saw myself until he left. I'm stronger than all this life. So many options right now. Doors are opening and I'm peeking in. The world is coming together and I'm reaching towards a goal. Breathe in life. Here it comes. I can feel the screams I wish I could express. I want to go into the courtyard and yell at my loudest just like I did so many years ago. Nerves in my gut need something to do besides squirm. Want to run a mile just to see where I am. Wake up and be alive. B-free. B-happy. B-boys and b-loved. It's more than gas stations and sore legs. Push-up bras and quotas. Two hours of sleep aren't fixing me like they used to. Roadtrips and mix cds can heal the world. Jump in the car and blast out the love. My world is Iron and Wine and Brand New. Twenty-five in thirty-five days. A quarter of a century down. What can I say? A lot, depending. The filter can't block it all. Best friends are there to think clearly for me. I'm not who you think I am. I'm so much more than you'll ever understand. I want to make you by destroying you. I want to destroy you by making you. I want to feel you in me. I want to force you out. Can't understand. How did you read that book? Takes most people years, it took you minutes. For every action there is a reaction. It's not what I expected. I'm naked and confused. Life is new. Give me a list. I need to check stuff off.

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